Lowered Expectations

When it comes to being a single guy living alone, there is one, definitive thing that really sums up all the good and glorious perks of being on your own.

Taking a dump with the door open.

My next step is to order two large mirrors so I can watch TV still. I just haven’t quite figured out the best angles yet (dam who knew high school physics would come in handy…ah it wasn’t much help for angry birds, was it?). Now most of the girls (hopefully all of them) will balk at this and promply close their browser, never to visit my blog again. Do I effectively have a bachelor blog now?

But guys know what I mean. You see guys have this idealized version of their own bachelor pads. It’s to us what weddings are to girls; you’ve pictured it for years by this point.  You know who’s going to be there, what your dress is going to look like and all that other happy crap. I know most girls imagine getting married like this:

01 royal wedding 042911 300x216 Lowered Expectations

But it inevitably turns out like this:
Angry Bride 207x300 Lowered Expectations

For us it’s the same thing, really. We picture styling ourselves after Hugh Hefner with a constant stream of tail coming and going from our place. We might have even imagined that girls accidentally bumped into each other in their comings and goings and really seemed to hit it off. A pipe may or may not have been purchased as well.

But instead of the Playboy Mansion, we pretty much end up with this

houston mess apartment slob disgusting 2 300x225 Lowered Expectations

Really, who's place doesn't look like this

I mean I have a 2 bedroom apartment.  At first, the spare bedroom was a blessing.  I could pretty much chuck any mess into it, never to worry about it again.  Unfortunately, this has lead to a surprise roommate.  We haven’t met, and hopefully we never will.  I’ve since barricaded the door and taken to staying up all night.

To be fair, it’s not entirely the monster’s fault; this pretty much sums up my nights

memes foul bachelor frog wait 300x298 Lowered Expectations

So being able to leave that damn door open whenever I want has decidedly become the high point of my swank pad.  That and drinking right from the milk carton.

Next up?  Satin sheets

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